[Tig] Hazmat BRRE Chritmas story

Peter Swinson peter_swinson at compuserve.com
Tue Dec 5 00:27:25 GMT 2006

I, as usual, apologize in advance for the following garbage!

It was the night before Christmas and all was well. Falling from the sky
and lightly dusting the ground Polonium 210 twinkled in the light coming
from the Inn. A babbling brook of Triclorethylene bubbled quietly by, while
the aroma of Perchloroethylene emitted from the dark deep well in the
garden. Outside the drinking hostelry, up to his ankles in Polonium 210
stood Bob Festa Cratchit, he was looking through the window into the bar.
Oh how he wished he could be inside by the hearth of the blazing fire of
Nitrate film. He could see Ebenezer Scrooge Sonnenfeld, performing BRRE
with flagons of beer. But for Bob such delights were not possible, for he
had been assigned the Christmas Colorist shift at Scrooge Productions,
together with his assistant Tiny Tim Sassoon. How unfair life had been for
Bob and Tiny Tim,  for they had only just finished a 72 hour Dickens
Investigation (D.I.) series about David Copperfield the well known
Dickension Las Vegas magician. As Bob and Tiny Tim, who was by his side,
shuffled back to work through the now knee high Polonium 210 dust, thigh
high in Tiny Tim's case, they could only imagine the delights of counting
the bubbles arising from the ale at the Inn.
Just then from behind came the unmistakable sound of Ebenezer Scrooge
Sonnenfeld's footsteps crunching the Polonium 210 covered street. Would he
catch sight of  Festa Cratchit and Tiny Tim Sassoon?  But no; was it the
results of too much BRRE, or was it the Polonium, for there appeared before
Ebenezer Sonnenfeld, the ghost of Bill Topazio Marley weighed down with
CRTs and rattling Static Eliminators. Topazio Marley proceeded to explain
to Ebenezer Sonnenfeld the error of his ways. He, Ebenezer, had for too
long prevented Bob Festa Cratchit and Tiny Tim  Sassoon enjoying the
benefits of his "Cash for Colorists" scheme. .
As Topazio Marley's image faded from view Ebenezer Sonnenfeld turned to Bob
Festa Cratchit and Tiny Tim Sasson. He was not convinced that his ways had
been in error, and was about to scold them both, when an apparition of Film
Scanning Past came into view, 525 lines resolution at least. Floating
around them they could see MKIII's, FDL60's,  and many other ancient
scanner objects. It bought back memories of those long gone days when video
was fun and analog, a little bit more or a little bit less of everything
could be had and Scrooge Productions could charge what ever they liked. As
this scene faded it was replaced by Film Scanning Present, all manner of
scanners appeared, everything was digital and accurate; or was it ! 
Scrooge Sonnenfeld was reminded of the hours he had forced Bob Festa
Cratchit  and his assistant Tiny Tim Sassoon to re grade shots just because
a DOP had "changed the time of day", oh how cruel he had been. He should
have let them recoup at the Old Ale house at Santa Monica, but he had
instead forced them to eat gourmet meals with the clients. Then without
even a bump in the dissolve Film Scanners Future appeared in the Polonium
210 loaded night sky. All manner of devices manifest themselves from 2K
thru 16K 32 bit RGB to 64K XYZ color space scanners, all lit up by the
fortune of having the glow of Polonium 210. What a Christmas it would be,
Ebenezer Scrooge Sonnenfeld had seen the future, there was life after 2K
and he was going to ensure that his workers were part of it, but how to
make money. Suddenly he had an idea. If they gathered up all the Polonium
210 he, Bob Festa Cratchit and Tiny Tim Sasoon could carry, they could
package and label it up as Scanner Static Eliminator Dust and post it via
mail coach and sailing clipper to Persia, Russia, and other far away
countries, where in 162 years time it may come in useful as some form of
energy source with many uses!  This would be much more profitable than
scanning and manipulating images. Who knew where it could lead. And
everyone would now have time to really concentrate on the important task of
BRRE.  The future really did look bright. 

Apologies to Mr C Dickens.
The story timeline was randomised for no particular reason.
No animals or people were irradiated in this story, although the writer
tends to glow in the dark due to excessive use of a foot X-ray machine as a
child when in shoe shops (Who remembers them!)

All the characters in the story are fictitious and bear no resemblance to
any real people, unless you know differently!

Have a good Christmas everyone.



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