[Tig] FCC mandates ADHDTV by 2007

[Rob Lingelbach]

Apparently the FCC had mandated a switch to all-ADHDTV by later this  
year.  The story:

WASHINGTON, DC—The Federal Communications Commission voted 3-1 Monday  
to require electronics manufacturers to make all television sets ADHD- 
compatible within two years.
To adhere to the guidelines, every program, with the exception of The  
Hi Hi Puffy AmiYumi Show, will have to be sped up to meet the new  
standard frame rate of 120 frames per second.

FCC Chairman Kevin Martin characterized the move as "a natural,  
forward-thinking response to the changing needs of the average  
American viewer."

"In the media-saturated climate of the modern age, few have the time  
and energy to sit still for an entire episode of King Of Queens,"  
Martin said. "Although the FCC will leave it up to the television  
networks to make the necessary programming changes, we are  
recommending, in accordance with the ADHDTV standard, that all shows  
be no more than six minutes in length, and that they contain jarring  
and unpredictable camera cuts to shiny props and detailed background  
sets."

"We're also advising that intra-episode recaps occur every 45  
seconds," he added.

The ruling represents a growing shift toward ADHDTV, a television  
format designed to meet the needs of an increasingly inattentive and  
hyperactive audience. The tuner includes a built-in device that  
automatically changes channels after three minutes of uninterrupted  
single-station viewing, as well as a picture-in-picture-in-picture-in- 
picture option.

According to Sony, the leading manufacturer of the ADHD-compatible  
sets, the new technology will allow viewers to play up to three  
simultaneous video games while watching television.

"Many of our ADHDTVs will come with a motorized base," Sony  
spokesperson Richard O'Dell said. "In the event that the viewer turns  
his attention away from the television, it will begin to rotate and  
emit sirens and piercing shrieks."

The mandate to conform to the new format has already been met with  
some resistance, particularly from movie channels like HBO, live  
programs such as ABC's Monday Night Football, and the History  
Channel, whose ambitious five-part, 10-hour historical documentary  
about World War II, slated for completion in late 2007, will have to  
be shortened to a six-minute montage of the war set to a medley of  
Ashlee Simpson hits.

Some networks, however, are embracing the change.

"A majority of our shows are only watchable for a few minutes at a  
time anyway," said Fox president Peter Liguori, whose recently  
unveiled fall 2007 TV schedule includes over 850 new series. "We're  
going to roll out an exciting lineup of major sporting-event  
highlights, late-night yell shows, and a brand-new season of The O.C.  
that will feature 37 new characters and—well, I don't want to give  
too much away, but let's just say it will have a lot more guys  
jumping up and down, saying, 'Hey! Hey! Look over here!'"

On standard 4:3 televisions, ADHDTV programs will be shown in  
letterbox format, with the top and bottom of the screen alternately  
filled with bright, flittering butterflies, undulating rainbow- 
colored patterns, and singing hamsters in top hats.

Skeptics say the switch to ADHDTV will likely be delayed in favor of  
other projects or even completely forgotten by next week. However,  
the FDA is fast-tracking approval of the new drug Entertainalin,  
developed in anticipation of the modified programming. In clinical  
trials, the drug has been effective in helping viewers concentrate  
not only on the new TV format, but also on their immediate  
surroundings, the couch fabric, a dog passing by the window, and  
pieces of lint floating in the air. 
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Rob Lingelbach
http://www.colorist.org/robhome.html
rob at calarts.edu