[Tig] From Malibu... comes news..

[Rob Lingelbach]

Los Angeles, CA, May 10, 2008 -

In the foothills of Malibu, shaded by hundred-year-old oak
trees, a completely new and modern idea in post production
facilities has taken root. In April, construction began on
Quentin Tarantino's bid to host the must luxurious and
beautiful, yet completely energy-neutral, post house in the
world.

In this exurban, relaxing and rugged, indoor-outdoor "Post
Habitat" as it's initially dubbed, will be the "the world's
best Editors, Effects Artists, and Colorists" says
Tarantino, while hosting a launch lunch recently in the
on-site spacious natural cavern created by a 500-year old
flood of the waters of nearby Malibu Creek. "Our clients
will be staying and living in Malibu for from one day to
weeks, and we'll have the most natural, energy-conserving
and inspirational atmosphere" possible, continues
Tarantino. Fitting out of the first element in the parallel
multilevel low-impact design has almost completed, and will
be called "The Grading Cave." Attached to this
naturally-cooled and humidity-neutral series of suites will
be "The Client Corral" where producers, directors, and
attendants will leave their conveyances, which will be
limited to natural means: horses, ponies, or vehicles
pre-certified to have a null effect on the environment.
Clothes will be shed in The Clothes Shed where friendly
masseuses will introduce clients to the healing powers of
completely natural, ancient, depth-oriented, open source,
pre- and post-session therapy. A short glide on the
magneto-lever footpath tram will whisk visitors at natural
speeds to the attached organic lagoon, facing the ocean,
that used to be part of a State Park but has now been
entrusted to the "burgeoning Hollywood Green
Consciousness," as Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger recently
stated in the bequeathment ceremony.

The Post Habitat will be powered completely by the "energy
runoff" of nearby Malibu and Santa Monica athletic clubs,
by virtue of a negotiation that will allow clients and
staff to use these clubs for free. In return, the Cities of
Malibu and Santa Monica will issue Energy Credits that will
encourage all their residents to use pre-certified Green
Entities, of which Post Habitat is the first, founding
member. An additional, innovative inducement will be a
Green Giveback Carbon Certificate, included with breakfast
at The Post Habitat, which allows any client to burn their
toast, thereby reintroducing gas-phase polycyclic aromatic
hydrocarbons to the local ecosystem.

One Name Only

All key artists, not excluding those using mattes, will be
known by One Name Only (the "ONO" effect, originating with
Yoko). The first of these to come aboard is colorist and
design phenom Fabio who, as QT put it "has made quite a
mane for himself." F. is currently recovering from
neuralgia, suffered as a result of having to walk the one
hundred yards from where he had to park his Hummer, before
entering the magneto-tram (Energy=0). His title will be
Lead Digital Digital Intermediate Senior Imaging Colorist.
Due to the non-neutral energy-wasting characteristics of
business cards, his title will crawl across his forehead in
realtime, demonstrating the speed of the SAN on his TAN.

Lead engineer Mike Waldie, when asked how he was managing
to keep all these disparate targets within the budget,
which is Green Neutral, said he'd actually found it
surprisingly easy, "given that, at the end of the day,
you've got to admit, it's a splashing... well, to put it
another way, what could one expect, given the excruciating
climate, and how we're responding, the .."

Reporting for the TIG in Malibu was Hcablegnil Bor.
--
Rob Lingelbach
rob at colorist.org    http://www.colorist.org/robhome.html